Fear of Failure - An Opportunity?

I wasn’t scared to start this business…at first. As the date of opening draws closer, so do doubts I refused to entertain to begin with. Things like, “what if I can’t get clients because of price, or because so few people prefer telehealth over in-person therapy?” Which spiraled into questioning whether I should be in this field if I’m too disabled to leave my home, or if I am even qualified to be a counselor, or…

And I’m no stranger to fear. I was pressured most of my life to push my body to the limit to keep the strength I have; To postpone wheelchair use for as long as possible, and so on. Which meant daily fencing with fear, because falling not only hurt, but it put me back several steps (pun intended) in terms of progress. Then, when I think a little too long on my fear, the spiral descent begins, and I find myself trying desperately to cling to parts of me I took for granted or thought I believed.

Here’s where the opportunity awaits. I’ve learned over my years-long tango with fear that there is nothing quite like fear to show you who you really are. Not just when you’re courageous and persist through fear, but also when you are caught in the throes of self-doubt and hopelessness. This dark, desperate time, we are ripe for growth in self-awareness because of our naked vulnerability. What looks like a dead end is actually the perfect opportunity to look within. Doing this may look like asking ourselves the deeper questions (“what does it mean about me if I fail?” or “what will I lose if I fail?”), or reframing (“what if I fail, then use that experience to succeed, then use that success to help others in their fear of failure?”), but no matter what, it requires self-dialogue.

So, if I’m to ask the deeper questions about my fears AND reframe, I’d say that if I fail, it means I’m human, at least I tried, and I know it’s only a step on my journey anyway (even if I succeeded). I might lose an amazing experience (that of being a private practice counselor owning her own business), but I know losing one does not mean I lose all future amazing experiences. It’s okay to grieve that loss, and at the same time remember that I am not hopeless. Nor am I just a counselor. I am many things and constantly evolving. And so are you. Time to get curious and see what we can do! I hope this thera-post finds you well. May you be gentle with yourself.

-Nicky