Does My Therapist Love Me?

Hopefully, yes.

I’m a licensed therapist, and I love you. “Love” shouldn’t be a taboo word. It’s distinctly different from being “in love”, and if anyone needs clarification on whether my love for everyone is platonic or romantic…well, here you go: It’s platonic. Now, to the heart of the matter. Do you believe that I could actually care for you, a stranger I have not met?

Let me ask you, do you love someone? What makes you sure that you love them? Do they believe you love them?

There’s only so much you can receive from me. I can verbally tell you that I love you. I can try to show you that I love you. Since I can’t feasibly (or ethically) show you I care about you through the “5 Love Languages”, I choose to show you by acting with compassion toward you.

What is compassion, really? It’s an act of willingness to connect with someone based on shared/common suffering. If a child’s ice cream drops out of its cone in front of me, and the child begins to cry, the compassionate thing to do is to speak kindly to the child, commissurating on losing something precious (which I surely have felt before). Further actions such as offering to buy another ice cream, offering a hug, or helping to clean up the fallen treat, are also acts of compassion. It’s saying “I know your suffering, because it is also my suffering, and I don’t want to let you go through this alone.”

That’s how I show my love for you in the therapy session. I listen your story, feel your feelings, and respond with the deepest respect and compassion for you in your situation, offering tools and exercises to support you. I have been through so much suffering in a variety of ways, and I will not let it go into my past without purpose. If you want to know the truth, suffering and then choosing compassion is why I am capable of loving everyone. How can I stand by and watch the child cry, when I was that child once, and I needed support?

The other part to the equasion is having the desire to connect. You can know someone else’s suffering and want nothing to do with it. But I see the beauty and promise in connection, and I’ve felt the desperate, harrowing state of complete isolation, all leading to the conclusion that connection is worth the cost. Especially when I see how connection through compassion motivates people and gives them hope in the hardest hours.

So why, then, am I not convincing you that I truly care about you? If I tell you, and show you, what more is missing? Can you receive a gift through a deadbolted door? … :)

Some people remark that if you say “I love you” too much, it loses its meaning. I’ve definitely seen it happen. However, if you’re worried about love losing its meaning, spice it up every now and then with a qualifier: “I love you like piglets love mud,” for example.

It’s worth the risk of losing its meaning because the more you expose yourself to something, the more it influences your thinking. If you notice, the more you watch something with heavy cursing, the more you’ll find yourself cursing in your life. Same goes with love. Do you want to fill your life with love? What if doing that could slowly unlock the door, opening yourself to fully experiencing the love and connection?

I am happy to provide you with constant exposure to love and compassion. And in the end, I hope your therapist loves you, because love is such a healing experience, and you deserve to feel loved. I hope you feel loved by me too. May you be gentle with yourself, and remember Nicky loves you. <3